Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Not quite a Narrative but Enjoy

So I'm kind of taking the easy road out tonight and I'm going to post a persuasive piece that I wrote for one of my classes.  I had this serious persuasive essay written up about how people shouldn't download music illegally (not a subject I have strong feelings on hence why I did not feel much passion writing that crappy paper).  After realizing that I wasn't having fun with that I decided to add in some comedy and write about a situation that hits closer to home.  I was influenced by my buddy Jeff who did an excellent job incorporating satire into his piece.  Mine is not quite satirical but I hope that you at least get a laugh or two out of the following persuasive letter. 


To My Neighbor Who I Barely know,

                I am writing to you as both an annoyed citizen of Magnolia Terrace, as well as an individual who is concerned for the safety of your canine.  Since I have lived at this address (moved in July of 2004) there has been a consistent occurrence that disturbs me early in the morning.  I am commonly roused between 5 and 6 am by the shrill barking of a small dog; your bijon frise.  If I were to normally be awake at such hours this would not bother me as much, but when I am woken up early on a Saturday morning-my day off-I feel quite disturbed and agitated.  I am urging to please let your dog stay inside your house, and not to leave him/her outside, barking repeatedly. 

Even if the other neighbors have not said anything to you, I’m sure that they feel the same way.  Nobody enjoys being woken up before they are ready, especially not when the source of such an alarm could be preventable.  Your dog’s barking is technically a noise violation; the same as loud music and noises during inappropriate times of the day.  I would hate to see this disturbance escalate to the point that police intervention would be necessary.  If you love your dog and the endless barking that comes out of its mouth please, for the sake of all around you, keep him/her inside so that only you will have to deal with the barking. 

Your dog’s constant placement in your yard also presents other issues that are more serious than simple noise violations.  For instance, your dog’s safety is in jeopardy when he/she is outside, unattended for a long period of time.  Have you seen all of the fox that have sprouted up in the neighborhood?  Maybe not, but let me tell you there are plenty around and as far as I know fox are not vegetarians.  The more time spent outside by your bijon is only more opportunity for natural predators such as fox and birds of prey (hawks, eagles, falcons) to capitalize on a fresh meal.  With a larger breed like a German shepherd or a Labrador this would not be such a concern but your tiny bijon could easily fall prey to a vicious predator like a fox. 

The outside is an unsafe area for your bijon and also provides a far easier road to escape than the inside of your home.  I noticed you have two teenaged girls in your home; something that you are obviously well aware of.  One thing you may not be so aware of is that one consistently sneaks out of the house in the early hours of the morning to meet up with a gentleman caller.  I know this because I witnessed it a couple of times while sitting out on my front porch late into the night with some friends.  Anyway, what if your daughter were to leave the gate open and your dog were to run away?  This would be a very unfortunate loss for the whole family; losing an irreplaceable pet.  This possibility of escape is something that could once again be avoided if your dog were to remain inside the confines of your home. 

I don’t mean to be that bad guy here, and although I am looking out for my own concerns I am also keeping your dog’s safety in mind.  In case the aforementioned facts are new to you then I am happy to have enlightened you about some unknown happenings on your property.  For both your dog’s safety and your neighbors’ sanity please reconsider leaving your dog outside during times of day where people may be resting.  Some of the neighbors have younger children that need more sleep then the rest of us, and we would all hate to hear the barking of your dog joined by the crying of an infant.  And please do keep in mind that noise violations could warrant a phone call to the police, and none of us want the situation to reach that level.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
                Your Neighbor

No comments:

Post a Comment