This morning on my usual 7am trek to Downingtown I realized something: I really don't like my new job. It's not that it's difficult or stressful, I just don't feel comfortable there. I'm totally out of my element there plus it's not at all what I thought it would be. The only time you make real money is the weekend and then there goes your weekend...fun. I at least said I couldn't work Saturday and this coming weekend I'm working Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You all who work in the restaurant industry are probably saying, 'yeah get used to it'. Sorry, but I'd like to preserve my sanity. No wonder why most people who work in restaurants chain smoke ciggs, you're all miserable with your jobs. Oh well, in time I'll find a way to transition into something new.
It was a good morning though; I was happy with the path it took. It was like I woke up feeling like crap because I dreamed about nothing but work so naturally I didn't sleep well. I woke up feeling exhausted and wanted to just go back to bed, leaving my cooperating tutor to handle the tutoring session by herself. So I toughed it out and got going for a 50 minute car ride of self-reflection and assessment (also listened to some decent morning radio shows). At first I was just like 'Wow I hate my life,' and after I dismissed that conclusion it was more like ,'I really don't like my new job.' I was happy that I could eliminate the super negative thinking of my whole life sucking just because I didn't sleep well and I haven't really developed positive feelings towards my new job. It was a very level-headed way to work through an issue; not letting the feeling of a crappy night's sleep and a very dark and rainy morning ruin my day.
I think I'm just sick of working. I want a break, and the ability to only have to focus on school. I know plenty of people work and go to school simultaneously but I think I've reached my limit. Especially because the money I make doesn't give me much financial freedom. Yeah it puts gas in my car and allows me to buy food and the occasional CVS item (shampoo, soap, razors, etc.) but besides that I really don't have the ability to make any fun purchases. This weekend I forced myself to buy protein and vitamins at GNC, justifying the purchase by claiming that the supplements will aid in my six-pack resolution. I still felt guilty after I bought the supplements and I don't want to keep feeling guilty for making a sensible purchase of an item that I'm actually going to use. Spring is right around the corner and I have no shorts and very few t-shirts that I would actually leave the house wearing. I think I'll have to do the dreaded deed soon and ask my parents for money for clothes. I shouldn't feel so guilty because I don't really ask them for anything, ever, so maybe they can throw me a couple hundred bucks to revamp my wardrobe. I just can't wait to get my teaching job so that I'll only be focusing on that (as much as it may be). Although I have a small fear that I'll have to pick up a second job; apparently a lot of teachers do. I'll probably do the math and see how much a second job would pay in comparison to coaching or supervising a club. Wow, time to slow down, totally not there yet.
It's funny, I'm complaining a lot, but I'm still happy with my life. I guess that's when you know that you're doing well; things in life aren't going the way you want them and you're still holding your head up high. I'm at a good place right now. It's taken some work, getting over bad decisions of the past, and accepting the realities of my life, but I think I'm getting to the point that I want to be at (almost there, not quite). Plus if you can hold your head up on a day like today then I'd say that's an achievement on its own. It is gross outside, the prospect of running later does not look good, unless the rain definitely lets up. I mean seriously who likes being cold and wet? Worst feeling ever, hands down. In result i won't go running outside if it continues to rain being that it's not very warm outside. Yeah yeah there are water resistant running clothes available everywhere but scroll back up to the paragraph where I talked about how I had no money and that will explain why I don't want any. Wow I just feel the positive energy running through me, the eternal optimist in me is coming back.
Yay OptimistYonni! But hey at least you're learning a universal skill. Also when you finally get hired for realsies get a school near a golf course or a ski resort and pre a pro or on ski patrol. That's what the teachers do in Stowe. Or they married someone with a better paying job.
ReplyDelete